GANEIDA'S KNOT.

Go mbeannai Dia duit.

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Quaker by conviction, mother by default, Celticst through love, Christ follower because I once was lost but now am found...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Yay for the rest of us.


If you ever want to feel like an abject failure try being the mum of a homeschool dropout. The homeschool mum whose kid doesn't love homeschool. The homeschool mum whose child spectacularly fails standardised tests ~ on purpose; because they're boring. *sigh* We're the mum's tearing our hair out while our children roll their eyes & go, "But I thought you wanted me to think for myself & what I think is..." [No, dear. What I wanted was for you to think like me.]

We're out there; the mums who believe in homeschooling & are clinging on by the skin of our teeth while our children lob social landmines to skittle our ship. We don't say boo to a goose. Our kids won't be starting college at 15. Doubtful if our kids will ever see the inside of a college classroom.

Worse, many of us have kids on the upper end of bright. They are super intelligent ~ & very creative about making sure no~one ever knows just how bright they are. Every day we're down in the trenches dragging our reluctant children to the academic well they don't want to drink from, extolling the virtues of an interesting education, telling them over & over how lucky they are. They are skeptical. Everywhere they go they are the outsider; the kid who can't join in the conversations about how awful their math teacher is & how little Jonny stank out the science lab with sulphur & Brendan hacked into the school mains & crashed the whole system. They suffer from *the grass is always greener syndrome*, outsiders who bring whole conversations to screaming halts with 3 little words; "Oh, I'm homeschooled."

Now I know people who would growl with exasperation, "For heavens sake! Put the poor child in school & let her get a decent education!" Um, right. You know something? Even I know that would compound the problem. And you know how I know? I was one of those children. I should never have been in a regular classroom. Nothing against the education my parents chose for me, which was very good in parts, but I am mostly self taught ~ as any truly well educated person is. Nope. So long as I was quiet & well behaved I could pretty much do as I pleased & what pleased me was to to make math class bearable by reading novels under my desk. I read through math. I read through Science. I read through French & history. I was smart enough to still pass science & French & history. Math took a long, long spiral into oblivion. And if you think Ditz wouldn't do the same, think again! Fast. Worse, knowing Ditz as I do, she loses the things that don't interest her: maths books & lecture notes, entire classrooms, perhaps even the entire school. Who knows. She likes to talk. She'd stand gabbing at the school gate all day & never notice she'd missed a thing.

Because I am passionate about education I read homeschool blogs. Perhaps I shouldn't. Most people still have younger children & younger children are different. I do remember it was sooo much easier when Ditz was little. Before she started thinking for herself & we no longer saw eye to eye about her school work. It is frustrating & demoralising. It is one area where I am definitely not happy being radically different & providing the homeschool freak show. Nope. I could live with my kid starting college classes at 15. Believe me. More than happy. I'm counting down the years now till Ditz graduates & this is no longer my problem, my responsibility, my anything.

Does this make me a bad mummy? A truly awful homeschooler? Ah! See there's the rub. Here's the other side of the coin ~ the one that can't be measured with standardised tests, or assessed using the usual methods, or judged by what others have achieved. Ditz has a singing CV that would rival some professionals & that would never have happened if I wasn't the sort of mummy to drive all over the place & wait, bored out of my brain, in dark cold places, for Ditz to do her ditzy thing. Ditz truly appreciates it. More, slowly, slowly Ditz is grappling with the street directory. This is no mean feat for a right brained mathematically challenged child. She is also the calm one while her mother is losing the plot behind the steering wheel. "Just drive, mum. Straight ahead." Which isn't always good advice but soothing just the same.

Ditz has shopped with me since she was a toddler, choosing fruit, putting things in the trolley, later keeping a running Tally to make sure we had enough money at the checkout. Now it is more likely to be Ditz than I saying, "Not that mum. This is better value for your money. See 2 of these equals one of those & it's $3.00 less". Honestly. And her supervisor worries about her math! I know a lot of learning is taking place by default, from random conversations because Ditz lives in a house where everyone talks everything to death.

So last night Ditz calls me over to the computer. There in all it's glory is Ditz's book. A children's story based on the stories she wrote in grade 2 about Tottle the dragon. She even remembered a dedication page [to mummy & daddy for allowing her to dream big ~ or something like that. Awww.] She is now looking for a publisher. I have promised to help edit. Realistically, she has as much chance of getting published as I have of flying to the moon but that is not important. She will learn sooo much from this process that she would never learn by *doing school*. This is real. When it's real Ditz listens. She listens when I tell her she has to sort out her grammar; and her punctuation; & her spelling. She listens when I tell her her fancy script needs to go. Editors want something clear & legible, not something *pretty*.

You know something else, something I lost constantly fighting to survive my peers? Ditz has a wonderful confidence. I envy her that so much. She might get turned down, knocked back, rejected but she would never in a thousand years let that deter her. She will pick herself up, dust herself off & have another shot at her dreams. How can one measure the invaluable attribute of that sort of confidence? And you know what else this tells me? That Ditz knows how to do all sorts of stuff, stuff we've been studying as part of her school work for years & years, complete with eye~rolls & cries of, "But this is so boring!"

So if you have an academically inclined child who aces all those tests & is wonderful in every possible way, thank God. Some of us have wonderful children who walk to a very different beat. No~one, but no~one, has the right to judge us. Especially no~one in a public school system that has effectively squashed every ounce of creativity out of children for generations. We have special challenges you will never have to face, special obstacles to overcome you will never even know exist. Like the parents of special needs kiddies we walk a lonely road, poorly signposted, doing the best we know to do for children dancing before us completely unaware of how much heartache, how much prayer, how much love, has gone into creating an education wherein they can be the very best they can be.

13 comments:

The HoJo's said...

I hope the book makes it, even if as a self publish, I'd buy it and send it to all my friends children, ok not enough for a best seller but that is never the point :o) go Ditz and kind, brave, Mummy

xc

Ganeida said...

Hojos: Self~published is a brilliant idea. I will see what Lulu offers ~ or Ditz can wait for NaNo when Lulu offers their NaNo deals. Um, yeah. Bet *that* didn't make sense but it does to me!

Unknown said...

Well said, and I agree whole-heartedly! As the homeschooling parent who has tried "school" and it has failed my child miserably, I agree! Thankfully next year will be different as I'm bringing him back home and will revive that love of learning that he used to have. All of our children learn differently, and as homeschoolers I think we understand that and we are able and willing to cater to their learning styles and abilities.

loving, laughing and learning said...

Indeed i agree and somewhat sadly see myself relating more and more as years progress lol. As for the book that I may just be able to help with. Firstly if ditz is willing, run it by my little one she'd love to trial a new book. Second depending on how the trial goes i can talk to someone about editing etc who might be able to point you in the right direction (no promises but worth a shot). Let me know if ditz is ready/willing..

Siano said...

Self-publish is probably a very good option, especially now that the web has opened up so many more opportunities.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ganeida,
Ditz will go a long way - maybe not in the conformist sense of the word, but she has determination and she knows what she needs to learn.

Are you a bad Mummy? No - you're just trying to do the very best for a child who functions very well in the atmosphere where she will be when she grows up. :D

Have a wonderful week,
Blessings,
Jillian

Unknown said...

I recently stumbled upon your blog and can identify. My oldest who is about to turn 20 had not use for school. Spent most of his life in public school then brought him home in 11th grade. It was too late. Had no desire to learn anything. Did what we could until he turned 18 and decided to just work full time. As he got older and matured on his own he decided to get his GED then this year decided to go back to school for computer networking. He has surprised us all with his current goals. Just took some growing up and wanting it for himself, not because I wanted it for him. Your child has it together alot more than mine did. At least she does have other interests. I am sure as she grows and matures everything will balance out.
Blessings
Diane

seekingmyLord said...

Whassup, sweetie? Has some people been rubbing you the wrong way about how you are guiding Ditz with her oodles of talent?

I as see it, the Lord is the only One you need to please. When someone follows God using the gifts He has given her and they just cannot help but shine out as special,...and people then really don't care if they got a "D" on their report cards. I am not just talking about Ditz here, as you have to been pretty special yourself. ;)

Britwife said...

I have to tell you that you may feel like the outsider, but in reality, you are the one that is telling the truth of "how it REALLY is". Everyone always whitewashes how wonderful homeschooling is (and it is, I am not denying that). But it is a LOT of hard work. You deal with stubborn kids (and they know how to push all of your buttons). Anyone that pretends their homeschool experience is a walk in the woods every day is lying. You are truthful to a fault. And I love it!
My homeschool experience was the exact opposite of yours. I did it because I wanted it. Not because it was better for the kids (or because they wanted it). They begged and begged to go "back" to public school. I had to concede to them in the end...and believe it or not, it's working out well. Different things work for different families, I guess. I admire you - and I am a touch jealous at times, if I am to be honest.
Thanks for showing us that it isn't always a bed of roses, and having the guts to admit it.

MamaOlive said...

I'm with Seeking: who's been picking on you?! You're a wonderful mother and you ought to be proud. I was a difficult student for MY mother, but at least she didn't have to put up with supervisor visits and mandatory testing. I did one textbook in my "high school" years, and only because my dad wouldn't sign the diploma if I didn't. But I didn't have Ditz's excuse of artistic talent; I was just stubborn and lazy. :-D Either way, I'm better educated than many of my peers because I was taught to think, and read. So don't be too hard on yourself, and for sure don't let others be too hard on you. :-)

Ganeida said...

Birbitt: Ahhh.All the best. You're an experienced homeschooler now so it will all work out well.

LLL: Lil' Miss Bean is on Ditz's beta reader list ☺ When she's ready. She's not as ready as I thought but that's ok.

Siano: Yep. Been considering it myself. Just need some editing time. ☺

Jillian: Thanks luv. Just get my confidence rattled occassionally...

Diane: Welcome. ☺ Yep. My oldest too. He's 26 now & only now finding his place. He joined the army & is doing the sort of IT work only 5% of IT people are capable of. Clever lad but you wouldn't believe what an awful student he was!!!

Seeking: No~one's been rubbing me up wrong. I got this communication from our umbrella. Fill out the form so we can help guide you in your career choice. The sort of thing to send Ditz completely ballistic & bring out all her worst traits. *sigh* Plus I've been reading all these wonderful blogs & then I look at us....I know. Comparisions are odious. Disrali said so. I think it was Disrali. It would be nice not to have this constant battle but then Ditz wouldn't be Ditz, would she?

Britwife: I love you! ♥ We do this because *I* think it's best. A kid like Ditz in PS spins out of control very fast & I'm too old to wage that battle. I love homeschooling but Ditz doesn't always make it easy.

MamaO: I can't believe you were that terrible a student! You are way smart & funny & work so hard with all your kiddwinks! You have shattered my illusions! ;)

Jeanne said...

Argh! I'm behind on your blog! Way behind! I've been reading - truly, only all your posts have been way too in depth for a flippant little tittery answer - they deserve more - and I haven't had time to write anything profound. Sorry.

Anyway, I think you're a great mum!! Posts like this just serve to accentuate how great you really are.

Hope the book is published. I would love to have a read!!

Ganeida said...

Jeanne: I know how it is & everyone seems to be in the same boat just now. I see you pop in, you know. ☺ One day [if not in this life then in the next] we will get a moment to sit down & talk ourselves to a standstill on all this stuff. ☺